The Culprit

There was a kingdom, peaceful, joyful, and all its people happy and content. The kingdom was ruled by a King ever-so-gracious and kind, with just the right amount of temper befitting a just king, living in a palace made of the whitest of marbles. He had a queen to rule by him and a daughter too; but no son was born to this king. The nice townsfolk went about their daily work, but fell into despair when reminded that the kingdom had no apparent heir. "What would our kingdom be like, in the hands of another king?" they wondered, "what if the new king doesn’t emulate the same values we have been brought up in?" Every evening conversation had been tinged with this talk in all of the kingdom for over twenty years.

When the princess grew up, with superlative beauty and charm, and a bit of wisdom just right for an eighteen year old, she impressed all of the townsfolk with her kindness. "She is of marriageable age" the evening conversations resounded, "our kingdom will soon be annexed or disrupted. Who will the new king be?" the townsfolk wondered.

Soon, these worries started to reach the King's ears. Distraught, he called a council and asked the ministers to find suitable matches for the princess. The ministers went far and wide to hunt for the perfect prince. But none were to be found. The king started to lose his mind. He issued a threat demanding the head of the minister who returned without getting a suitable prince for his daughter. This declaration frightened the ministers. They thought it wise to stay outside the kingdom rather than come up with a match that wasn’t suitable.

But alas! Without the ministers, the clergy suffered. Without the clergy, the police suffered. Without the police, the bribes reduced. And the treasury soon lost its income. All the middlemen went ahead and levied more taxes from the farmers and the farmers were impoverished. They gathered up together and marched up to the court with candles, laid them on the King's feet and cried "Oh wise king, the kingdom suffers without the ministers. Please bring them back!" But the king was adamant "Nope", he said, "this kingdom needs a prince." The villagers returned sadly to their homes and wondered "who will marry the princess?"

But the princess, unlike the queen, was vocal about her wishes. (It has been widely observed that being the only daughter of a powerful man does that to you). She boldly walked up to the court one day and said, "father, I think I shall rule this kingdom. I don’t need to marry." The king was shocked, but he asked her for some time to mull this over.

Blasphemy! - cried the village folk

The kingdom shall perish without an heir - said the clergy

She must be a lesbian - said an old family friend

Brave child. She must have gone through a lot - opined the townsfolk who did nothing but read newspapers

There must be something wrong in my upbringing - the queen lamented

The king heard these comments and decided that the devil must have gotten hold of his daughter's mind. But where the devil did the devil get the idea to get into his daughter's head?!! Seeing as this matter was more important, the king pardoned all the minsters and asked them to come back and ponder over the more pressing issue. The ministers, caught up in other lands, gladly came back (albeit with new wives and children). The kingdom soon returned to normalcy, after the new wives and children were accommodated. After a month, they held a council and debated - where did the devilish idea get into the princess' head?

The ministers questioned the guards, the chamber maids, the birds, and the bees. They read the books the princess had been reading, watched the movies she had been watching, and breathed the air she was breathing. After six months of meticulous experimentation and observation, they came up with the result. The ministers held a council meeting and they presented their report:

The princess is a very pretty girl, but seems to have formed opinions on her own. This is largely to be blamed on the education she has received - she should have received none. The books she reads isn't any good - when did kids start reading? The movies - abomination! We have found that her ideas cropped up in her head because of her father. This man must have been a ghastly man, letting his child, mind you, his only child (gasp!) breathe free air. The mother too - never taught her to not think. For these and other crimes that are yet unspoken, we order that the parents be punished.

Saying this, they looked at the king. The king, understanding the gravity of the situation, condemned the culprits to exile for life. But now a new problem arose. When they were in exile, who would rule the kingdom? They thought over and over for a solution; prayed for the one person that would rule the kingdom like they would; who would understand their values and customs and adhere to it? Who would, indeed?

Once again, the vociferous princess, generous and kind-hearted as always, walked into the council and said "I shall rule the kingdom." After a minute of stunned silence, the courtroom burst in applause. The wise princess had offered a solution for the problem! She had proved her mettle to be a true queen, someday. The coronation happened right before the king and queen went into exile. She then ruled for a long fifty years before she turned the kingdom over to her adopted son, who understood the values and customs of the nation and ruled the kingdom as wisely as possible.

To this day, when you pass through the kingdom in the evening, you can hear the townsfolk discuss - "was the queen a lesbian after all? Was she asexual? Who will rule our kingdom now? Who will marry the prince now? Will she understand the customs and values of the kingdom? Will she be a beautiful and just queen?"